Nursery Rhyme Confessions: Exhaustion!

WARNING: This is not one of those happy go lucky blog posts. It's life as it happened.  I just wanted to share a little brief blog-vent. Thanks for listening. :)


Karis is a full blown toddler.  She must be!  She has all of the symptoms: Toddling (walking clumsily) all around the house, touching everything within her reach, putting objects in her mouth that weren't meant to go there, non-sensical- unexplained crankiness, uncontrollable curiosity, fits of frustrated whinyness... and on and on and on.

Now there will be some of you reading this and saying to yourself, "Awwww, how cute.  She's just a baby... just a toddler.  Enjoy her while she's young..." etc.  You must not be living with a toddler right now.

Today was one of those days.  One of those days that parents of small children have.  Where nothing is easy and the day seems to have no end.  We were tired.  Mentally, our minds were spent and physically, we were exhausted.

I recently started working at my church, New Life Fellowship, as Communications Director, which I am super excited about.  We had a couple of staff meetings today and didn't have anyone to watch Karis so Rick and I decided to bring her along.  We came prepared: (1) Her Abby Caddaby doll, (2) Lunch (3) Endless Cheerios (4) Sippy cup, etc.  We were good to go.  But it was a long day.


The day started out great.  Karis was well behaved and eating cheerios while we had our first meeting.  She was sooooo good.  I was so proud of her!  Not many toddlers can do that. As the day progressed though she understandably became more restless.  She had a nap and all but it was a full day away from home for her.


By the time we were done with the meetings, around 3:30pm, it was time for Rick and I to FINALLY eat lunch, but she was ready for nap # 2.  So needless to say lunch was fast, furious and messy to say the least.  We jumped in the car to go home and Karis was asleep by the time we hit the end of the block.  She was so tired but had a good nap.


We got home and then it began.  The whining...  She wasn't thirsty, she wasn't hungry, she wasn't tired... She wanted to be picked up, put down, played with, left alone... and we... were still tired.


Today, I was not super mom.  I was tired, overwhelmed, scatterbrained among other things.  I needed an "Office" (An Office is a time to STOP, SLOW DOWN, CENTER, and PAUSE to be with Jesus. With times of silence and reflection).

Today wasn't an easy day. Tomorrow's a new day. Tomorrow will be better.  :)

Hi Ho... Hi Ho... It's Off to Work I Go... Kinda!

So Karis is a little over 13 months old now.  And life, after the party, has resumed.  Oh boy has it resumed.  She's walking and her teeth (all two of them) have made their grand entrance.  Motherhood is in full swing for me and I still don't know what I'm doing. :)

Before Karis was born I was at a place in my professional (vocational) life where I didn't quite know what I should do with myself.  I had many different options open to me but didn't know what to do.  I had a job at JetBlue headquarters when the recession hit so 1 month short of my 1 year job anniversary I lost my job. Interestingly enough, I found out I was pregnant with Karis 3 months prior and hadn't told anyone at work yet.  So here I was 3 months pregnant, out of a job and not sure what to do.  How will I find a job in this recession 3 months prego???  It became a good time to just chill, regroup and rediscover God (long story, will share one day in the not-so-near future). :)

Six months later Karis was here and I was an overjoyed and overwhelmed mother. For a while I was content being a stay-at-home mom; being able to be their for all of her milestone moments has been pretty cool. And forming such a tight bond with her has been amazing... a bit much at times... but still AMAZING.  Still something was missing.  I needed to do something, to be creative to be innovative to exercise my business "muscles".  I wanted to go back to work, to build a career.  I knew I couldn't go back to the corporate world.  I didn't like it.  I felt restricted and a bit smothered.  And I REALLY didn't want to leave Karis.  I wanted to be there, especially at this young of an age. For some mom's staying at home works.  And boy do they have their work cut out for them. It's fulfilling and their dream "job".  For other mom's working out side of the home works.  I was kinda in the middle.

I wanted it all. My "dream job" and the joys of staying at home with my daughter.  So I began my search for a Work-from-Home job.  There were ads everywhere... but I couldn't find one that I enjoyed doing.  I needed to be able to take ownership of something.  Build something from nothing (figuratively).  I wanted a job that afforded me ownership, creativity, business/marketing elements and allowed me to put my daughter down for a nap in between.  So when Karis was 3 months old I started working for Bella Pictures as a Photography Consultant.  The job sounded perfect.  I would work from home setting up appointments for my self and then go out and meet with couples getting married to share with them what Bella can offer them.  I was ready to go.  I had three meetings with three different couples and quickly was reminded of how much I dislike sales.  At first the job didn't sound like sales, but that's what it was.  I quickly became overwhelmed with the expectations of the job and having a 3 month old I was nursing.  Something didn't click.  I left Bella.

After that I searched and searched and couldn't find anything that met my criteria. I decided I may have to go back to school and find a new profession altogether.  I went through all the possible careers I could go in to and once again became overwhelmed.  I was just about to give up when God came through.  I really hate to sound so cliche but I know of no other way to word it.  He sorta set things up in a way that I could have never done.

As many of you know my sister had her own graphic design company on the side called ValleDesigns.  She has slowly built up her clientele and was needing help to manage the accounts all while maintaining a full time job.  I had previous experience working for an Interactive Marketing firm called Sharpe Partners and have a BBA in Marketing, and had nothing else to do so why not!  Amazingly enough this opportunity afforded me the freedom, creativity, entrepreneurial and marketing experiences I had been looking for, all while beign able to change my daughters diaper in between! Woo Hoo!

Working with Veronica (my sister) has been awesome.  I am able to do a little bit of everything. A bit of project managing, a bit of designing, a bit of marketing, a bit of client relations, a bit of business planning, A BIT EVERYTHING!  It's so exciting to be able to build a business.  It can be anything you want it to be...!  And I can do it with my baby playing right next to me.

Now, I don't want to create this false image that it has been easy, because it hasn't.  I've had to balance work/Karis time and some days Karis wants it to be "Karis time" all day everyday.  And in terms of the job itself: working with difficult clients, tight deadlines, growing a business, and standardizing the way we work has been challenging, frustrating and rewarding all at the same time.

So, I am now a work from home mom, building a business and raising a beautiful daughter.

So to make a long story longer :) I am so grateful to the Lord for orchestrating this.  To get to this point I had to go through a lot of difficult times (an understatement).  There were a lot of tears, despair, doubt, sadness and many other emotions that preceded this destination.  And funny enough I'm kinda thankful to the Lord for the journey that brought me here.  He used some VERY tough times to form my character and set up an amazing situation.  Don't get me wrong I totally wouldn't have minded not going through any of it but am still very aware of God's process (part of it, anyway) in forming me and blessing me, however strange the process. :)

 

To find out more about ValleDesigns click HERE.  We design websites, and many print items: invitations, save the dates, menus, brochures, business cards, you name it we design it!

Happy Birthday Karis!

On May 10th, 2009 9:26am Karis Rose came into this world and changed our world forever.  What a blessing she has been this past year.  And I can't believe how quickly this year has past.  It's all going so fast.  I have to keep reminding myself to slow down and enjoy the here and now.  Take some time soak in the little moments with her and Rick and really reflect on where we have been and where we are now.  It has been a helluva ride! Crazy busy, crazy exaustion, but crazy amazing!

On Saturday we Celebrated Karis' first year at my mothers house.  It was soo much fun.  I had a blast planning it and.... yes..... of course I got carried away with the planning.  But Karis will only turn one once!  I wanted to have fun with it!

As I began the planning process (many months in advance) I was at a loss.  I search online, high and low for the best "theme" for her party.... butterflies? No.  Cupcakes? Maybe. Abby Caddaby?  Nah! (For those who don't know Abby Caddaby is a fairy monster character on Sesame street that Karis loves to watch and dance to).  I started following all of these blogging mommy's who have custom-made-from-scratch parties that looked absolutely fabulous!  I said.... I totally can do that!   So I broke out Photoshop and Illustrator and began designing a concept.  LOL!  Next thing I know I was a month away from her birthday!  Life had gotten so busy for me that I never got around to designing my "custom-made-from-scratch" birthday party theme.

So with the help of Veronica, I found this birthday theme that I thought was so simple, so pretty and so cute and I said that's it!  I'll run with that!   I still wanted to have a custom made feel to the party so I decided to put some extra things together myself.  So, I looked at the napkins, the plates and the cups and I began designing cupcake toppers!

I also had fun putting together the favors for the kids.

For her cake, I went to a local bakery in Floral Park and gave them one of the plates and asked them to make me a cake!  Here is the end result:

I purchased the candle as well as all of the plates, napkins etc. online!

There are so many photos of her birthday party thanks to Drew Hyun and my brother Jeff!  Thank you both soooooo much for taking pics.  You both did a wonderful job!

If you'd like to see all of the photos from the party you can go HERE.  Enjoy!

SNEAK PEEK: Karis' First Birthday Party!

I had planned on blogging about the process of planning Karis' first birthday (5/8/10) when I suddenly found my self 3 days away from the actual event!  Woops!

So I have decided to just give you a little sneak peak of some of the preparations and things.  Just to give u a  little taste of what's to come.  I'll blog more after the event just to share what was going through my crazy head and how I drove my husband mad!

Enjoy!

 

Cute pinwheels!

 Fun Stuff!

So look out for more pics to see how we celebrated our daughter's first year of life...  :)

LOCKED OUT!!!

Yesterday was a day of panic for me.  It's the type of day my friend Amy would have. No offense Amy,  I love reading of your adventures!  But this wasn't much of a "Ha ha, wasn't that funny!" Sort of moment.  It was more of a "...Ahhhhhhhhh!" kind of moment.

I was going about my usual mommy duties of getting Karis and I ready to go to grandma's house in Elmont.  I placed Karis in the kitchen and buckled her up in her high chair.  We live on the second floor of a private house in East New York so getting the car packed up isn't the easiest thing to do with an 11 month old.  I grabbed about 4 heavy bags balanced them in my hand and headed down the stairs to the car.  Nobody was home in the building. They were either out of town or at work, including Rick.  So that I could have quick access to Karis, I left the door open to the apartment with Karis in the kitchen facing the open door.  As I reached the bottom of the stairs I left the secondary door wide open, again for quick access to Karis, if need be.  So finally, I reached the door that leads to the outside of our building and I say to myself... "Self, don't lock the door."  And subconsciously I turned the lock on the knob of the door and closed the door behind me.

Now at this point I feel great because Karis is safely in her high chair upstairs and I have closed the door to the building so as not to welcome uninvited "guest" to help themselves to our stuff.  I place the bags in the car, close the car door, lock it and walk up the stoop to open the door.  "Click, click!"  Panic set in... I WAS LOCKED OUT!

Just as I was getting ready to have a nervous breakdown I caught myself.  The first thing I did was try to reach for my phone.  But had nothing with me only the keys to my car. "Ok, Rosie, think! ........ Go get help!" My first instinct was to call Rick, or maybe my mom could help.  But no,  I need to get to my daughter ASAP.  So I get in the car to look for a payphone to call 911.  As I drive I NO payphones anywhere so I make my way to my nearest police station, approximately 3 blocks from where I live.  I arrive, finally find parking and sprint down the block towards the station.  When I get inside there are tears welling up in my eyes and panic written all over my face.  Uniformed Police Officers pass right by me.  I found the civilians sitting in the waiting area paying more attention.  Finally, the woman behind the Plexiglas gets back to her desk and says, can I help you?  I tell her that my 11month old daughter is locked in my apartment by herself.  She looks at me funny and says, "You need to call 911."  .......I'm beside myself.....  I tell her I have no cell phone, everything is locked in my apartment.  She said, "Use a payphone it doesn't cost anything".  ........Baffled...... I asked her where there was a payphone because I had driven around and couldn't find one.  She said there is one right outside.  I turned to run outside and a nice man sitting in the waiting room offered me his cell phone so I could call 911.  I called and told them that I was at the police station and she sounded confused.... "You're at the Police Station" (as if saying why can't they help you there?)  So she asked me to go back home and wait there.  So I did.

I arrive back home and listen through the mail slot only to hear Karis crying.  I try to talk to her to say everything will be ok.  Then... it got quiet.  I called her name... nothing.  I try not to think the worse and assume that she's sleeping so I keep trying to call her name to confirm that.  I as I waited for help to arrive it seemed like an eternity.  I cried, I condemned myself for being so irresponsible.

In the distance I begin to hear a fire truck.  I think, "That can't be for me...?"..... but it was.  How embarrassing.  Now not only do I have to live with the fact that I locked my self out of my home, but now the whole neighborhood has to know as well.  So the firefighters came... in full uniform. With large metal hooks and crowbars.  I panicked more.  Now, because of me there will be massive damage to the front door of our building.  Sheesh!  They easily break open the front door and I run upstairs to my now crying daughter.  Unbuckle her and hug and kiss her to death.

I thank the Lord she was OK and had not nuzzled her way out of her seat.  But instead she sat there crying but safe.  I think I was more traumatized than she was.

So now not only does my neighborhood know of my locked out episode but so does the World Wide Web.  Or in the words of former President George W. Bush "The Internets"!
 

A Return to Normalcy...

A friend of mine who just became a new mom recently stated that she was "desperately seeking a return to normalcy." Karis is 10 months old now and the first thing that popped into my head was.... "SO AM I...!!!" I was totally empathizing with her.

Don't get me wrong. I love Karis, and ironically, I can't imagine not having her around. But still, something inside me misses being able to do as I please without the responsibility of caring for an infant. I miss getting up and going... just going. No bags to pack, no formula to remember, etc., etc., etc. I wake up when I want, I go to sleep when I want. If I want to make a quick run to Starbucks I just wanna go! No feeding, dressing, changing, burping, or any other "ing" associated with babies and their care. I JUST WANNA GO!!!

What if I wanna take some classes? Go back to work? Attend a workshop? Take a walk? Take a shower? Will I ALWAYS have to have baby in tow and/or look for daycare that costs as much as a BMW? When will things go back to normal? Will they EVER go back to normal?

Then the answer hit me like a ton of bricks... No. Things will never be the same as they were before Karis. I sit and let that thought marinate.... "Life as you have known it, Rosie, will never be the same again." I thought to myself. For about 6.25 seconds I sank into a state of moderate depression.

I had a choice then to just sit and sulk and throw a pity party. Of which I happen to throw the best pity party in the western hemisphere (my personal opinion). But no, I resolved not to sulk, to put away the streamers and balloons of the "poor me" party and create a NEW NORMAL.

Karis has brought so much joy to my world. She's a great responsibility and I want to make sure I am the best mom I can be for her. So as a new mother I've been learning what MY "New Normal" is. It's a work in progress and is evolving with every new day and new challenge that comes my way. But it's exciting to be able to explore this "new normal" and to experience all of it's twists and turns.

Every new day I am learning to depend more and more on the Lord and this new journey of my "new normal" called, Motherhood. I've always been a pretty self sufficient person. So depending on the Lord or anyone else for that matter has always been a challenge for me. I'm thankful that He is understanding and grateful for his patience.

Our Sabbath: Stop... Rest...

Today Richard, Karis and I observed our traditional Monday Sabbaths. I used to understand sabbath as... well, Sunday- A day to go to the house of the Lord and worship him, listen to a sermon and fellowship with other believers. But it is so much more.

On our Sabbath, our family takes the time to stop, rest, delight and contemplate. This has been something that I have found a little confusing and frankly have a hard time doing. For now, I have been concentrating and pondering "Stop" and "Rest" and what that means in my life. Here are my thoughts:

• We stop working, acknowledging that He is the source of everything we have. By nature I'm what some would call "workaholic". I prefer the phrase "strong work ethic". When I am committed to something I work at it until it is done and done well. At one point in my life I found myself working so hard I didn't/couldn't attend church during the week... at all. I was working as if my life depended on me working and "killing myself" to make things work. So when it comes time to stop... we are acknowledging that we are not God... but HE IS! The world will not come to an end if I stop what ever work, task, errand I have on my very long to do list. We stop to acknowledge that HE IS THE LORD, and He doesn't need my help to make the world go 'round.
• We rest in God's care, to experience His grace in a new way. Resting in Christ has allowed me to really dwell on the fact that, I am unconditionally and deeply loved by Christ, even if I never do another thing "for the Lord". Some may have a real problem with that statement. I know I have struggled, and still am struggling with that. I was a business major in college and began my professional career in an environment where you are what you do. So now coming to a place where we are to rest in the fact that we are loved and accepted even if I don't do another thing... that is difficult. Even in many church cultures, one of the first things we talk people about is all the ministries we are in and all of the things we are doing for the Lord. Although, doing ministry for the Lord is good it can easily become a long laundry list of "look at all the things I'm doing 'for the Lord'." But NO... I don't have to do anything, and I won't be loved any less by God if I never do another thing.

It has been a great day, today. Being conscious of stopping all of the work I do as a stay at home wife and mother (e.g. household management and planning). Resting in the fact that I am loved by God and my world is in His hands. And I am learning to delight by enjoying my husband, my daughter and in anything else that gives me life (more to come on this topic in a future post), and to contemplate and remember the Lords omnipresence in my everyday life.

"What is the sabbath? A weekly day of rest and worship. A day to cease working
relax in God's care for us. A day to stop the things that occupy our workdays
and participate in activities that nurture peace, worship, relationships, celebration
and thankfulness. The purpose of the sabbath is to clear away the distractions
of our lives so we can rest in God and experience God's grace in a new way."

~Lynne M. Baab, SABBATH KEEPING