Don't get me wrong. I love Karis, and ironically, I can't imagine not having her around. But still, something inside me misses being able to do as I please without the responsibility of caring for an infant. I miss getting up and going... just going. No bags to pack, no formula to remember, etc., etc., etc. I wake up when I want, I go to sleep when I want. If I want to make a quick run to Starbucks I just wanna go! No feeding, dressing, changing, burping, or any other "ing" associated with babies and their care. I JUST WANNA GO!!!
What if I wanna take some classes? Go back to work? Attend a workshop? Take a walk? Take a shower? Will I ALWAYS have to have baby in tow and/or look for daycare that costs as much as a BMW? When will things go back to normal? Will they EVER go back to normal?
Then the answer hit me like a ton of bricks... No. Things will never be the same as they were before Karis. I sit and let that thought marinate.... "Life as you have known it, Rosie, will never be the same again." I thought to myself. For about 6.25 seconds I sank into a state of moderate depression.
I had a choice then to just sit and sulk and throw a pity party. Of which I happen to throw the best pity party in the western hemisphere (my personal opinion). But no, I resolved not to sulk, to put away the streamers and balloons of the "poor me" party and create a NEW NORMAL.
Karis has brought so much joy to my world. She's a great responsibility and I want to make sure I am the best mom I can be for her. So as a new mother I've been learning what MY "New Normal" is. It's a work in progress and is evolving with every new day and new challenge that comes my way. But it's exciting to be able to explore this "new normal" and to experience all of it's twists and turns.
Every new day I am learning to depend more and more on the Lord and this new journey of my "new normal" called, Motherhood. I've always been a pretty self sufficient person. So depending on the Lord or anyone else for that matter has always been a challenge for me. I'm thankful that He is understanding and grateful for his patience.
Great post, honey! You're the best! Keeping shipping!!!
ReplyDeleteI mean, keep shipping! =) keeping shipping doesn't really communicate what I'm trying to say. Love u.
ReplyDeletePrima... I admire your courage to say this kind of things... I'm sure a lot of moms go through this... but few talk about it. I gotta say to me is a big factor in deciding when and if I have a baby in the next couple of years. Not only I"m scare of "loosing myself"... I'm scare of the stress factor in my life. Military life is very complex and living in CA, away from family members, makes it worse. I have learn to trust God and as my husband and I build strong bonds as a married couple we contemplate every aspect of having a brood... Thanks for sharing this... because it affirm what we already figure, having a baby is not to be taking lightly, no matter how cute they are :P
ReplyDeleteWe will continue to wait in our Lord and when the time comes... I'm sure he'll be my support like he is yours right now...
Take care... Angie
Heyy!! I'm the new mom that said that! I'm famous, woo hoo! lol When you wrote that you were still looking for a return to normalcy 10 months after delivering Karis, I initially was like "Oh no, this will never end!" and was getting ready to throw my own pity party! But by the end of your blog, you put things into perspective for me and I totally am looking forward to creating the "new normal". :) Thanks for the encouragement! ... gotta go, the little munchkin just started crying. ahh!!
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